EN’s Beat no. 9

EN’s Beat no. 9

Day 60 in Hospital, Day 30 on the list.

Hello Family,

In my last post or entry, I said I was feeling good. I am still feeling good. The doctors have me sorta stable and really there is nothing new to report. If you thought you might find something new this blog is not for you.

Anyway, because the real purpose in everything is to entertain you, which it isn’t, I have maybe I little something to report on. You see the way this all works out is I write something and you guys read it. If you are upset with anything bring it before the Lord. Thank you for enjoying my blog even though you don’t have to. I like you guys.

Therefore, because I can, I will tell you everything that’s happening. Lets go.

elaine_marleySo, last time I wrote about how I seem to be stuck in the PICU. Seriously,
it is all boring from here on so you’re much better off reading a book with a red-haired girl in it who becomes a pirate and sails the seven seas, pillaging, and otherwise having adventure after adventure….

Forgive me, I got off topic. Stuck in the ICU is pretty boring or a bore, whichever you prefer. Yes, I know it shouldn’t be. It is. Not because I have nothing to do but because there is no variety or change. I wish I could leave for a little. I tell people that I am all right, but really, the word best describing my situation is, Stir Crazy.



Being here makes other people crazy too.  You won’t be the same after staying here for long hours. You might have strange impulses to dye your hair or cravings to bite chairs, or brothers… Visitors, BEWARE!

For the moment I  do not get to move. It is like a comfy prison where they give you baths and food. I actually like it here. But I am stuck, and finally we come to the reason I am stuck.

Do you know what Epinephrine is? It is a Medicine. Y’all might know it under a different name: adrenaline. By the way this is the same stuff in an Epi-pen The Epi makes you feel all around better and makes my heart work less hard. However because it is such a powerful medicine I must stay in the PICU. Yes I must stay. Or more accurately I am imprisoned.

I haven’t taken the weans from the EPI so well, in the form of withdraws. Not bad ones I just feel sick and tired and my heart starts racing. So pretty much they want to lower it but can’t right now. That is all that is new, I am still In the PICU.

How about a riddle?

Poor people have it.         Rich people need it.         If you eat it you will die.

First one to answer gets to be Batman for a day.

Eeeeeeee          Nnnnnn  

Thank you for visiting me in prison…

Processed with VSCO with f1 preset
Westwood Fire Department came to put the fire out with a case of Diddy Riese cookies!

Momma Note:mommyen

I’m thankful for this glimpse into Ian’s experience… his “Prison”. It helps explain some of his actions.  A new nurse came in to do her evening assessment.  She said, “I need to check your feet.”  If his heart is having some major issues his legs will swell up from all the fluids that become stagnant.  It’s a serious request. He looked up at her with a pause and thoughtfully told her, “You can’t.” Longer pause, “I don’t have any.”  Stir Crazy. She had a nervous laugh but eventually she got to check his feet. I like my son. The nurses like him too.

Our handbook described the wait like this:fullsizerender

This blog also helps me know just how valuable your visits are.  When you come see him, you are being Jesus with skin on.  You bring meaningful distraction into his four walls, something more lasting than watching Flash or Daredevil. You bring friendship, insight, encouragement, laughter, and comfort foods for his body and soul.

Amazingly, you are loving Jesus at the same time… it’s like this;

34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me. 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,[f] you did it to me.’” (Matthew 25:34-40)

Whatever you do to the least of these, you do as to Jesus! I’m not making these things up! This is written by a first hand eye witness to the life of Christ! He was martyred for saying things like this, because he wouldn’t take it back!  It comforts and inspires me today. Your visits are supernatural and an expression of a divine love. Your visits have eternal consequences done in you, prepared for you from the foundation of the world! And we get to participate in that with you.  Thank you for the Honor of your Time and Sacrifice for our family. Ian was right. It brings out the goodness in people. It brings out God’s lasting and beautiful rewards too.

Despite my occasional super hero ability to spiral down into fear, despair, isolation, and loss in this prison, this weekend I once said to myself, “I like it here.” I like it here?! Who likes prison? Who likes waiting for a heart? Who likes not knowing if we have tomorrow together? Who likes driving 2 hours to be a family once a week? Who likes never sleeping under one roof as a family? Who likes monitor beeps and honks through the night?  Did I say “I like it here“?

I did. There’s a rawness that makes us speak our heart. There’s an intense intimacy with Randy, a knowing only he and I could share. There’s a sacred feeling to our time together. There’s a wisdom to choose what is lasting. There’s an urgency to know my kids’ hearts, thoughts, and beliefs about God and death. There’s real converation about His promises and eternity with them. There’s a pruning of a whole lot of unnecessary. I tossed out a van load of stuff I once thought was so valuable. There’s an ease of focus on what is important and my life has become simplified in many ways. Of course I couldn’t do that without all the extra help with Micah, Kaiya, and my parents. (Thank you Auntie Lammy, Auntie Theresa! Thank you all for the countless meals!) We are forced to live in the moment because that’s what we have for sure. My senses are heightened to God’s word and His answers are profound. They were already written thousands of years ago just for me today. I hope that Ian and I both learn to like it more than hate it in our Stir-Crazy Prison

Psalm 89 Comfort Food.  You can read how God comforted me through it on FB. Better yet, tell me what you see as you read it! It’s not just for me.



2 thoughts on “EN’s Beat no. 9

  1. Hi to all, I can’t know the riddle, I asked my oldest son, Robbie who is 22 what he thought, and he answered “something philosophical”, ? Thank you for your last post, I have been very busy helping my widowed neighbor who went to be with the Lord on September 2nd at 3:22 p.m., she was almost 91 and my husband and I found her on the floor of her bedroom, after some kind of accident. She was face down, breathing, but not responding to us. We called 911 and they took her to uci medical center. Because all her relatives live in Sweden and Mexico I knew it was important for me to be there in the hospital until her family arrived. The Lord told me to read psalms to her, pray over her, lay my hand upon hers, and tell her how much her family loved her and they were on their way to see her. I am thankful and happy for that special time with her and when the family arrived on Sunday the 4th of September I was able to comfort them with the treasured moments with her, and this of course was only by the grace of our Lord Jesus and His faithfulness. I can do nothing on my own, He is our guide! I spent two days with her in the hospital……………. when Isaac had his kidney removed I spent 11 days at choc……………..60th day, EN, I can not imagine……. my prayer is that you would soon have the heart transplant, that the donor gave their life to our Savior, the donor’s family to be comforted by the amazing sovereignty of God, and for God’s will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven! I am overwhelmed by your joy and commitment to our Father in Heaven, it is more than a blessing to my days…… it is a reminder to how a believer obeys His voice………… sometimes I too feel imprisoned at my kitchen table as I instruct my children with basic academics, they are such “wiggly willies”…………(will they ever learn?). …. you remind me to keep my eyes and heart on the freedom we have in Christ, we are no long dead in our transgression, and the great I Am is doing His almighty, perfect, holy work through us, and using you in the hospital and me here at our kitchen table to bring glory to Him, and light and love to others……. forgive this comment to your “Beat No.9” I thinks it is very scattered…. but none the less I just wanted to thank you, and forgive me to, your mom’s pc shut down before I could say hello to you on face time……………. miss you and hope to visit soon, grace upon grace to you, your family and friends, the doctors and nurses, the clean up crews, and all the other patients, Psalm 86:4 “Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.”


  2. Hi EN!
    So happy to receive your blog. Did you receive the email I sent you, it had an attachment with it from my friend Donna.
    Yes I definitely agree with you about going stir crazy. Strange things go through your head when you are in the hospital. Your family is so creative when it comes to decorating your room ( which I loved ), visiting you, bringing things for you to do, and especially praying for you. You have so many friends, and so much love around you, and I just praise and thank God that he is showing you his love through all the people who love you so much.
    I have been working on your quilt eveeveryry day, and know that quilting is also my prayer time. With every stitch I take I talk to Jesus about you. I tell him how much I would like to be with you, and how much I miss the incredible stories you tell. Loved the little sample in your blog about the red haired girl. I am especially praying for a new heart soon, so that you can get on with your new life, and your special journey that you are taking on this earth with the Lord. I love you so much, and miss you very much. Let me know if you got my email. Grandma Mary


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