I have wonderful news. I apologize for taking so long to write to you, but it was necessary (being in recovery and all). Now for the news: I am home.
That is right I get to enjoy my home and be happy. I am happy here, and God is making me have strength. I already can walk, cook, and enjoy the sun anytime I want. The restrictions can be worked around and things are pretty comfortable. After my transplant I was a little scared to go home. I don’t know why, maybe it is because I felt sick.
The day I arrived at my own front door was wonderful. I felt so much better, compared to the previous trip home. We had a good time, and a good dinner, and a good rest.
Our God was good. After waiting and waiting and feeling sick and feeling better this time of celebration could only be from God. Yes, we owe God our HAPPINESS!
I owe him my life in more ways than two. I cry out to him and he answers me. He gave me a new heart TWICE!
I am supposed to rest in my bed, and walk every day. Exercise feels really good. Also it lets the doctors know I am feeling okay. Of course it still is a bumpy road. My mom is learning and mastering all of my medication. The doctors too are making changes all the time and asking questions and taking blood. I gave blood twice this week.
I am tired. Mom and I wake up at 5 am, in the dark of morning to drive to LA for blood draws. The rest of my energy goes to healing and exercise. (…and thinking about food, reading about food, talking about food, going shopping for food, cooking food, and eating food. -Mom) Restful naps or just a quick wink helps me get through. Just this Thursday I was feeling sick in the morning. When we called the doctor they asked us to come in, for on that day was clinic.
Nauseous. Again. Those are my symptoms, do not forget the ” again”. Once you are nauseous for the billionth time it gets old, and you get sick of it. Pun totally intended. I have been nauseous again. Yet on that morning, in the midst of tiredness, God gave me strength to get up and go to the doctors. I prayed for it, asking him for strength to face the day. He led me through and I took a wonderful nap when we got home. By the way, all of my meds have a chance of causing nausea. I should mention this now so you won’t be worried.
Your comments are read by me, sorry I just now started responding to them. It makes me have joy to know that God works in your life. Never give up, He is listening.
I don’t feel bad all the time. And the more I feel bad the more I feel good when the Badness goes away. That is the way suffering produces my happiness. Opening my heart to God more is the way I find some small relief in my pain. I remember Jesus, how he was killed and mocked and ridiculed for us. I have been hurt and in pain to a point some will never know, but Jesus’ pain is something that he endured through, the worst you can’t imagine.
This is Jill, interrupting Ian’s blog. Hebrews 12:12 says,
“Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
I often wondered what the “JOY” set before Jesus was that could make the pain and shame of the cross worthwhile to Him. He was betrayed by someone He loved, wrongly accused by the people He loved, abandoned, prosecuted, persecuted, spat on, humiliated, mocked, whipped with wire and glass shards, and hung on a cross to suffocate. That’s got to be some supernatural, powerful, ECLIPSING JOY! It’s JOY , that was like his light at the end of a dark tunnel! What could eclipse so much pain?
JOY, of obeying His Father all the way. Joy of rest with no worries of yesterday or tomorrow! Joy of getting to sit at the right hand of His Father. Joy, in His Father’s presence after a job well done. (Nothing worse than sitting in my dad’s presence when I know I failed him.) Joy, the satisfaction of a finished job. The job on the Cross was ugly and gruesome. That ugly work was paying all the consequences of our sin, disease, injustice, pain, and sickness. He was paying the debt, satisfying the eternal debt of sickness and brokenness for all time. He did that so we could one day be right there with Him, in His presence. I believe WE are a huge part of the JOY set before Him! Imagine that… Joy enough for him to endure that ugly cross. Back to EN…
It is my sister’s birthday today,
Everyone is dying, do not waste your time.
Finally, I cannot have visitors for a couple more weeks. However, If you are single and healthy as a horse, you may visit for a small amount of time. I am sorry I cannot celebrate with you. I am open to face time. I will try to answer as many as possible. If you can’t contact me it probably means it is not yet time. You can ask my mom for my contact info.
I treasure you guys,
EN –the Low Sodium Chef with Heart
It sounds like he’s looking for a bride, all “single, healthy as a horse” may apply for interviews that only take “a small amount of time.” And he’ll do the cooking! (Just kidding! And I did get his permission to write that!)
It is true that we are trying our best to wait the 8 weeks before exposing Ian to the Big world of germs out there. Even then, it’s only to non crowded venues. Flu season is upon us and we are trying to keep Ian safe. Please get vaccinated with the real shot and give it a couple weeks to build up your own immunity. That will help us all!
Our family alone is big and brings in enough germs of its own. On Ian’s first week home, Kaiya had a fever for two days! That was stressful on me and we wore disinfectant like a body spray, and often barked orders; “Wash your hands!”, “Cover your mouth!”, “Go back to your room!” Come November the doctors say Ian can go out into public areas on off hours. Phew. That will be a welcome adjustment.
We did however make an exception for a “Healthy as a Horse” kind of visitor; Phone Book Ripper, Rebar Bender, Life Changer, and Jesus Lover, Dean Johnson of claimingmyvictory.com. He got hold of Ian’s story through Scotty Shimada’s Play4Him ministry. After exchanging encouraging videos via FB, Dean felt led to come and see Ian face to face… or muscle to muscle! Dean got his flu shot and flew down from Nor Cal! That same week we met a family whose life mirrors ours in so many ways. Their son Noah is waiting for his heart and I was eager for these boys to get a boost from Dean Johnson. He says, “Lord, use me greatly or kill me quickly!” Gnarly faithful!
It’s been a wild ride for sure. Being HOME feels wonderful and hard all at the same time. Fevers. Clutter. Germs. Early morning drives to UCLA. Late night laundry and to do lists. Managing meds, meals, marriage and minutia. Aaaaaaghghahg!
Though every day I stop and remind myself that I am walking with a miracle. I want to pinch someone! Thankfully, Ian is right here. I can see his scar peeking over his t-shirt. I can hear him playing with Kaiya and Micah. I can watch him cook in the kitchen, and even clean his own room. We can talk all day about what he wants to cook next. I can hold Ian’s hand and walk across the hospital campus. I don’t need to pinch anyone, not even myself!
Randy and I continue to re-live our 81 days in critical care. Discharges with persistent nausea and coughing. ER trips. Leaky IV. Helicopter transport. Waiting-Sustaining game. PICC line dressing changes. Wasting body. We let our eyes rest on Ian a little longer than usual. It takes time to take in the walking Miracle. We hold on to Micah and listen a little harder. We watch Kaiya flutter around the house without a care or complaint in the world. All of it makes our hearts drop. Life feels fragile, surreal, and full all the time. Didn’t Jesus say, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.“ -John 10:10? He did. He has followed through in our lives! This is just life within our four walls! Life outside these walls spins all around us even though we want it to stand still so we can take it all in. What Ian says is true….
Everyone is dying. Some are walking miracles. Some get to love them up close.
Thank you for the meals, letters, financial support, play dates, homeschooling, cooking dates,